Monday, November 15, 2010

Out of Simple Eyes

I feel disconnected
One of my anchors has gone
the rope is dangling
worn and torn.

I have a compass
I know it is there
Feelings are heavy like fog
Steering me elsewhere.

Clouding my thoughts
I am adrift in murky waters
Yet,  I have to sail this ship.

I feel adrift in a sea of confusion
a lonely tide rolling in
In a world spinning fast
Too fast, I can't stand.

Concerns over loves ones fill my mind
sneaking up on me
I want to leave them behind
Hiding feelings  
Not so easy, my mind always returns to find.

I wonder how people disregard them
Go on about their day
So much energy inside my head
Pulling me away

Away from peace
Away from rest
Away from feeling blessed.

I don't want to talk about it
What is the use anyway?
I write it down 
Hoping it will take some of the pain away

I know I am different
All locked up inside my head
Sometimes I want to be simple

But would life look the same
Out of simple eyes I would see
Not the same life
This one was given to me.

I am working on understanding
Life and the way it is
I still wish this one was easier
For me to live.

Locked away
No one has a key
Or maybe it is just me.

So much pain
emotional, physical
wearing me down
I am strong and I refuse to drown.

God is with me
His lessons I must learn
Compassion and gentleness
will help me make a turn.

I have a life filled with beauty
Love and happiness
I do know that I am truly blessed.

Knowing and feeling
Are the games
Your mind plays on you
When you only feel the pain.

You have to reach in deep
To grab hold of the peace.


  1. You mention feeling 'disconnected'... that's how I felt when Robert died... and there is a disconnect. There is a continuity missing that we had known for a definite part of our lives... as for Robert, I had known him about 18 years... you and your Aunt, that's a Life time.

    Those hurts and pains don't go away easily, dear. I think the hurt, pain, and disconnect we experience, in part, is a function of the time we knew and how much we loved the person who is missing.


  2. Carol, I just don't know what to say because you already know that there aren't words to make this better. When you reach a place of feeling a connection that surpasses death you will feel peace. And not before. That is spiritual healing. No one can give that to you but you. Ironically, I feel more connected to some of my family that have passed than to others that are still living. That is DISCONNECTED.

    I will continue to pray for you. I know that you have so much love in your heart that you will get through this.