I prayed for strength
I knew what was coming and how it could turn out
I denied what I was feeling.
The nurse came in and said there was a problem.
Our hearts began to beat harder and faster and breath was shallow and fast.
Then the Doctor followed.
He stood there and told us the bad news.
So cold, so unfeeling.
As if he were a mechanic speaking of a car that could not be repaired.
The room was void of oxygen.
We all had to get out.
I collapsed in my Husbands strong arms, my legs shaking.
The next few days are really a blur.
Plans were made for a lovely service to honor one of the sweetest, most kind women to ever walk the earth.
Flowers and pictures were placed and beautiful music
filled the chapel.
Rays of sunshine spilling colors of red, blue, green and yellow
sparkled and filled the room.
We had to clear her things and place them in boxes.
The smell of the marker made me sick.
The sound of the tape hurt my ears.
Now, it is all over.
I am back home.
I am logged in to the world of blogging.
I really have nothing to say.
I feel so empty.
I know that life goes on but how?
How do you find the strength?
No one wants to hear or read depressing posts.
I wonder each day how many tears can I cry.
I am so exhausted I can't remember things, conversations.
Sleep would be a comfort if it were not filled with confusing dreams.
Sunshine and cool breezes should comfort.
Blooming fall flowers and pumpkins all around me.
Yet, all I want to do is stay in bed and cry.
I am home and logged in.
I miss her.
I miss her voice.
I miss her laughter.
I miss knowing she is a call away.
Tears flow like rain.
How do I find normal again?