Dylan was born and I became a MeMe. From the moment I saw him come into the world, look around and take his first breath, I knew I was in love. I had never been a MeMe before but I somehow felt different, changed, responsible in a new kind of way. Shortly he came home and I gave him his first bath. The start of many first shared between us. He was my little man. I knew I wanted to always show him, "hey here I am here, I am YOUR MeMe". I wanted him to be proud and secure of our love. I wanted a super closeness.
Both of his parents were in the military so needless to say Poppy and MeMe had Dylan Bear alot. We watched him learn to crawl then learn to walk and talk and his favorite toys. His likes and dislikes. We learned to play his way then tuck him in bed happy. Life was so good. Then...orders came and they were moving to Germany. I couldn't even say the word...Germany...it always got stuck in my throat. But, the day came and away they went for 4 years. I cried buckets of tears. I was sure he would not remember me when he returned to the states and that broke this MeMe's heart into a million tiny pieces. Of course, I would ship packages, and I would call. But that was not the same. I felt empty.
Now he is 12 and he flies in on a jet all by his self in the morning. I can't wait. Will he still let me baby him the way I want to or have I let that slip by never to have again? I guess I'll just have to roll with it, that is what my youngest child tells me to do with life...roll with it Mom. Mom is trying to roll with it, but I don't know if I like where everything in life is rolling these days.
I want him to know I am his friend, but I want to set standards and teach him about people in our family that have gone on and how he fits in. That there are consequences to actions, but never anything that would make me not love him. Which means I have to do the ...dare I say it...my Memommie's job. I am not ready! I am unworthy. I just can't do what she did....I am not the woman she was. Maybe I can come close with my unique spin on it. Maybe.
I want to do the best I can. I want him to have wonderful memories of his Poppy and his MeMe. I want him to have what I had ...I knew I had two people who loved me unconditionally. I knew they stood for something. They stood for so much. They stood for love, the Lord, and it made a difference in my life. I didn't understand the word unconditional but I knew it was something there, something unique between us. I don't think I can live up to be as good at being a Grandparent as they were, but I am trying and that's all I can do.
My little man, my first born Grandson is coming to stay a month tomorrow. I still can't believe it. God let me do my best. Give me the words and the patience and guidance I am sure I will need. I want him to have nothing but happy memories, filled with love and laughter. I'll keep you posted on how we do, or how I do.
I love you Dylan Christopher always have and always will. I'm so happy you are coming to visit. We are going to have fun, and lots of talks, when you leave we will know each other differently. You can't redo a missed occasion, you can't take back an unkind word, you can't speak words left unsaid.
I will cry and feel sad seeing you leave but I will have so many happy memmories of you and how you are changing. We have promised to always love each other and that I know we will do and do it well. Memommie will be here with me I believe somehow and she will nudge me when I need it. I hope I do you proud my little one.
Sometimes a gardener grows flowers and tends the soil. Sometimes a gardener grows Grandchildren and tends to love.
I don't want to do nothing
2 days ago